Its Ok to Not See Your Family During the Holidays

Why I'one thousand Avoiding Family unit This Christmas

Past

Learn why it's acceptable to avoid family during holidays to protect your emotional and mental health.

I'm not going dwelling for the holidays.

And this year it's not because I can't afford a flight dwelling house. Well, honestly, I tin't beget it, but my family generously offered to pay for my trip to limit my excuses.

At showtime, I reluctantly obliged their offering. I felt out of place and a scrap disrespectful saying "no" to my parent'south asking to run across me. But and then I speedily remembered why my knee-jerk reaction was to protect myself and stay where I am.

After several one-sided discussions — ranging from unresolved issues from Christmas concluding twelvemonth to my flight times — I noticed how encumbered I was past the thought of being dwelling house this holiday season. With all of my family'south dissimilar personalities, viewpoints, and varying affinities for unnecessary confrontation, I was already looking forward to getting the holidays over with.

I think having this feeling of hesitation last twelvemonth, as well. I stood my ground in November and stayed at my home, only the guilt of proverb "no" tore at me so much by December that I folded. At the very to the lowest degree, I thought, I tin't reject the opportunity to see my sisters. Our schedules rarely allowed u.s. time together.

To make a long story curt, my time spent with anybody was not especially stress-complimentary or comfortable. When I finally arrived back at my home, I remember sprinting up to my apartment, going inside, closing my door, and being grateful for the power to take my ain space to return to.

That experience helped me realize that spending time with loved ones should not make me experience drained and defeated. Leaving loved ones should feel like a mixture of emotions. It's always nice to go dorsum to your ain home and sleep in your own bed, but there should exist some feeling of sadness about having to separate from loved ones. You lot shouldn't be feverishly counting down the hours until you lot get out your family.

"Home" should be a place to run to, non from.

In my ain home here, I have created a comfortable space of inclusion and peacefulness. My dwelling is a place to retreat from all of life'due south messiness and uncertainties. For me, for all who are invited, and for my loved ones who use their emergency keys when they invite themselves over, it is a space to be welcomed, acknowledged, and thoroughly considered.

If your family'southward dwelling house is non a place to run to, and if you know that visiting family volition bring you more mental and emotional harm than skilful, it is perfectly logical to forego going abode for the holidays.

At the cadre of this conversation is the reminder to ever protect your physical and emotional boundaries. You ever have the right to enforce them, no matter whom they are restricting — fifty-fifty family (sometimes, especially family!). Y'all shouldn't allow guilt to outweigh your boundaries.

And while enforcing boundaries is healthy and should exist prioritized, there is a cost. Y'all may miss out on perceived fun because of them.

In my instance, yes, at that place were moments when I glanced at social media and saw the pictures and hilarious Instagram videos of families and felt a chip of a void. I wish I could be enjoying my family, I thought. I immune those feelings to catamenia through me, only then quickly reminded myself of how unrealistic that possibility was at that time.

In some ways, it'south a no-win situation: if I don't go, I'm missing out on positive experiences; if I practice get, I'm in the heart of a mess of negativity. In either scenario, I'g non happy or at peace. And so which expectations should I disappoint? The ones where I hope to take fun, which isn't likely? Or the ones where I know I'm putting myself in harm'southward style?

I'm in command of my life, then I become to practice the pick to spend my fourth dimension in a way that'south best for me. Hopefully in the future, my family's home volition go more inviting. But until then, I practice non have to subject myself to a hostile environment year subsequently year. I, as well, deserve to fully savor the holidays.

There are other means of celebrating this season! You tin build a sense of "home" anywhere.

For case, a couple of years agone, I skipped two major "family" holidays to travel — in one case with a friend and the other time solo. Both trips were unforgettably incredible.

I spent concluding Thanksgiving with friends. We got up early on to cook. Well, my friends did as I laid in bed listening to them bustling about in the kitchen. Eventually they wondered virtually me, so I laid on the couch instead, providing moral support and laughs. We thoroughly enjoyed each other'due south company.

This holiday I'll spend time with my best friend, who enlisted her lovely mother to host me in their dwelling house. My all-time friend promises to assistance me pack for the trip, prove me around her city, and make sure I eat entirely too much! While visiting, I yet plan to comprise my favorite family traditions, and of form add some of my own touches.

I'll however gloat with family unit in some capacity, too! Technology has avant-garde in ways that allow yous to be nowadays even though you're hundreds of miles away. I'll include myself in their celebration by calling, sending texts, or past mailing their gifts alee and FaceTiming in as they're opened. I'll feel included — still still be safe at home, sipping wine with my best friend.